Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
