if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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