whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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