Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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