You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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