I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
