Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
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