My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
