Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
