we made out on top of his cat.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
