I bet he comes in French.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize