"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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