please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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