I wish my penis had an off switch
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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