i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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