Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
