i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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