ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
