I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
