take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm like, not good at living.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
