if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
