I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
So squirting runs in the family.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
