But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
