Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
