Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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