i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
