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I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize