Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
