i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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