This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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