I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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