Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
