i love accidental penises.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize