Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
