oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize