The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
