She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
