Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
