im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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