I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
