I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
