and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
