If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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