At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
