dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Congratulations! We have a period
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
