Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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