Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I made him laugh his dick is mine
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
