I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
