420 ftw
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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