I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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