You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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