I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
