now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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