It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
