The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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