If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
