It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
