is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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