Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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