i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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