So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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