Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We're too hungover to prance.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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