he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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