And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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