Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
