party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
