Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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