So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
she woke up with a sticky ear
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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