I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
