you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
