you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
