That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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