Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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