I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
