I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
