I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
