You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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