I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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