The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
