hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize